Many people have asked me this question for decades. Why do they seem to always attract the unhealthy individuals who just end up bringing chaos and drama into their lives? Am I a bad person because I must enjoy being hurt and mistreated?
The answers to these questions can be complex, but on the surface fairly simple. Everyone carries around certain wounds and scars from their childhood and early development years. Many of us have lived through abuse or some sort of trauma in our lives. We lost our self worth and self respect along the way or just never had the chance to truly develop it. We learned by our environment that if we didn't give and give and accept others bad behaviors then we will not be loved. That we will be abandoned by the person we care about. So instead of setting boundaries and loving ourselves as we should we give more of ourselves to the hands of our abuser. We accept that we must deserve this sort of treatment. Maybe as children we were shamed if we spoke up about being mistreated. Maybe we were being abused, but noone seemed to of cared or listened to our cries for help. Either way it is always difficult to fathom that another individual especially the person who says they love us could be treating us so badly. They usually guilt us into believing it is our fault or our imagination. So we make excuses for them, we go through denial that we aren't really being abused and it isn't really that bad. That we must deserve it and if we just did or said things differently then they would of loved us more. We some how want to make it our fault because that is all we can control. A narcissits can take the most secure individual and turn them into an insecure confused mess. Individuals with a personality disorder have absolutely no regard or shame in how they treat others. They do not have a conscious like you and I. They do not have the ability to have compassion or empathy other then for themselves and that is why they will always be the victim in their own twisted stories.
Narcissits and Sociapaths as well as Psychopaths have one thing in common and that is they are very insecure, low self esteem individuals who feel they are entitled to everything and everyone. Psychopaths are not your serial killers roaming the streets as portrayed in the movies. They are people who blend into society and appear to be normal for the most part. Their are far more Psychopaths then documented due to they never come in for treatment and only get Psychiatric help only after commiting a crime and are court ordered to do so. Whether you are dealing with or attracting a Narcissits, Psychopath or Sociapath the outcome is always the same. The true victim will be left in mental anguish and their mental health will be greatly affected. You will be left in a state of confusion and wonder how you were able to allow this person to manipulate and control you. The short answer of why you attract these type of indivuduals is because you have the good characteristics that they desperately want, but they will never have. You are a loving, compassionate very empathetic person who cares about people and you know how to love. They thrive on this because they are only seeking empathy, attention and validation and you will gladly give it to them with very little in return. What you will receive from them is being felt not enough, you will be belittled, lied to and most likely cheated on and will be used for your resources and all the good that you bring. The moment you question their motives or behaviors you will be met with guilt and manipulation. This is why boundary setting and working on your self development and growth is so very important to weed out the toxic individuals from your life. You are not at all a bad person for loving and giving human beings the benefit of the doubt to be decent and kind. In a healthy individual it is our nature to see the good in others and to focus on the positives not the negatives. In individuals with personality disorders they will most always focus on everyone's flaws and all the negatives as they put themselves on a pedal stool and make everyone else feel inferior to them.
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